By Leonardo Rodriguez Carrion

A confession

I am sorry. For all the time and effort, my mind contemplates on writing, and I wait, and I wait, but no more. No matter how many articles, whether its 10, 20, 40, 400, it does not matter, I will write. I love writing, but I love the tribe. I love being the center of attention, despite being an introvert. I love talking to people and I love sharing, telling stories, etc. I have met so many people, good and bad.

There will be more people, for I have only lived a quarter century. I have stories to tell, conversation to be had for days and days on end. Like the Greek philosophers, I would like to be like them. I see myself as them, sharing with the people what they know and have learned. I am avid reader, and avid scholar. I may spend too much time on other things (such as videogames), but I always enjoy writing. My mind, my flesh, my ego, was fighting it.

I am sorry. Whether I have one reader, five readers, or ten readers, I must share with you, I must. I do not know what you may take away, what may stand out to you, but I have to contribute to your life as you do to mine. You exist, you are alive, you are breathing. You have eyes, you can read. We are blessed, we are fortunate. I thank you. There is so much to be thankful for.

I am sorry, because sometimes, I may let the flesh wrestle with me and the spirit. I may not mediate or pray, but I have to. The spirit is too big inside me, no, rather, the flesh is what is inside the spirit. The vessel, the true vehicle. I will always try and see that in each and every one of you and not let it be so I judge and criticize you for what the world may bring you.

Closing Remarks

The world will bring good, and it may bring bad to you also. I often have not found myself writing this way, not publicly, but again, I must say the three words, I am sorry. How many words have I written? How many thoughts have I had to myself? How much have I thought about and not taken any action? Not to share, not to let the world know. Right now, there may be a few, but there may be more and more as I develop myself more publicly for the world to know. Is it a commitment, or is it a passion, a joy? Maybe all of the above. The future smiles back at the present, while the past glimmers in shining hope knowing what was but not what it can be.

There will always be those questions, those answers to which may never be found. A part of me has resolved itself, “I will know when I die. When I die, I will know all that has been left unanswered in my life.” Perhaps this is true, or maybe it’s not true. Either way, I suppose this is my rationale.

I entertained poetry for a bit. I’ll entertain it again. This year went by fast. The next may go by quickly as well followed by another and the next one. I haven’t shared much beyond my current feelings and thoughts. I know often, we write, and we hear ourselves, but it is hard to know what the others feel and think when they read or listen. I promise I won’t be so hard on myself. I will write publicly more. Even if it is one like or comment, it brings me great joy seeing others react to what it is I am sharing. I hope I have done the same for you if I read or listened to what you have to share.